Rejoice in the Lord…. Always

And again I say, rejoice. What a powerful month this has been. What an emotional month this has been. Being my 9^th month of pregnancy, the feelings and anxieties of preparing for a next baby was more than I could handle this time around. Perhaps it was because my beloved doctor, Nadim, told us he would be on vacation for the delivery of the baby. Perhaps it was because Ezra had developed a new “clingy-ness” to me where I couldn’t even walk without him crying to be picked up. Perhaps it was the heat, the swollen feet, regrets, pressures to have a totally natural birth, fear of unknown circumstances, whatever the reason, I found it more difficult to have true joy this month.
My true colors shone through this month and I remembered the nasty truth about Christians…we are all sinners. But yet, it is a beautiful truth because I know Christ always finds me in the darkness. If there was no darkness, how could He find me? If I didn’t have fear, how could He surround me? If I didn’t have unknown circumstances, how could I learn to trust Him? Then I began to see how this cycle of mistrust, emotion, and trust again continues through many situations in my life. When am I going to learn? When are we going to learn?
JOY is no joke. I have searched and searched and searched and found that joy is not hiding under some rock or cave, waiting for me to finally find it. Jesus is not holding it in His pocket, waiting for me to find it. He is holding it out in His hand waiting for me to finally grasp it for myself. It’s been here all along. Joy doesn’t COME in the morning, it’s HERE in the morning. Jesus is the source, and it is everlasting. How come I miss it? I have found that I miss it when I choose to miss it. When I close my eyes, I will miss the light of the morning. But when I open my eyes, I know it’s been there all along.

The birth of our daughter was…difficult. A painful and beautiful reminder of how precious a life is. Having my mom on my right side, and my wonderfully supportive husband on my left side was joy. Holding my baby in my arms for the first time was joy. Seeing Ezra’s face when he saw her was joy. Watching my beautiful husband weep in the hospital room after she was born was joy. Hearing my mom repeat the word “rest” as I contracted in pain was joy. Happiness is watching a funny movie with my family, or going to the beach in California. Happiness comes and goes with circumstances. Joy is embedded in gratitude, embedded in the Lord. What better a name for my beautiful daughter than Evelyn Joy, which translates exactly to: Birth of Joy.