Have you ever been in a place you felt like you weren’t supposed to be in? I am going to be completely honest: Since March of this year, I go to church every Sunday night from 5:30 to 7:30 to run the children’s ministry. Though this ministry takes the least of my time (about 2-3 hours planning a week, and 2 hours on Sunday), and is merely preparing a lesson, activity, craft and game for kids of ages 5 to 12, and though the kids all seem to respect and like me, for some reason this children’s ministry is the one thing I had the hardest time doing. Every Sunday, every single Sunday, I gritted my teeth as I prepared for the ministry. I don’t know if it was the fact that I had no help with the kids (despite all the parents who want their kids to be watched), or maybe the fact that the help I was “supposed” to have was 18-21 year old boys who just enjoyed coming in, pushing the kids, messing up the crafts, and leaving, or maybe it was the fact that I felt like there was no fruit in the group. Whatever it was, I really didn’t like being there.  Every night I would come home with some sad story of how parents interrupted, the older boys annoyed, the children screamed, and Paul would hold my hand while I cried for 10 minutes.

Does it sound immature? It probably was. More importantly, I forbid myself to see the joy through this situation. I deliberately chose NOT to be thankful for the opportunity. Because of that, I saw no joy. I felt no joy. Without thankfulness, I was hopeless. I continued to ask the Lord to show me the joy. Yet, I knew that it had to start with me genuinely thanking Him. Then, one Sunday in August after Evelyn was born (yes, it took that long), I went to church a little early.  As I got there, I noticed 5 or 6 kids who were waiting by the children’s door. When they saw me, they all ran up and said, “Marhaba Miss! (hello teacher)” I smiled and patted their heads. I kept walking and saw some more kids sitting with their heads down in the back of the church. When I passed them, their eyes perked up and they followed me. I remember thinking to myself, “Good thing we have children’s ministry, because these kids would be so bored in the service.” Then it hit me. Good thing we have children’s ministry. Good thing. Wait. This is a need in the church. There is a need, and I am able to fill it. Yes, it might be crazy, yes it might make me cry after, yes it’s not that easy. But I am filling a need for the Body of Christ. And because of the children’s ministry, the kids aren’t downstairs running through the isles, screaming during service, getting up out of their seats, and causing distractions. God had a need for His church, and He allowed me to fill it. It was like my eyes were opened right there. I started seeing the beauty in the children’s faces. I started noticing all the parents who would smile at me as I walked in. I began to feel like a part of the congregation, not just a babysitter for them. My heart began to be truly thankful to be a part of the lives of these kids, even if it was just one day a week. I sat down and began to prepare my lesson.

Then I saw a vision.

It came first with a thought. Now, if you know me, you probably know that one of the main ways the Lord speaks to me is through my own mind. So sitting there, I thought to myself suddenly, “What if we had more than one class? What if, in the near future, we could have three classes for different age groups within the church?” My mind began to play all kinds of scenes with youth as leaders for each class. I didn’t even know if we had the capability, but I knew this could be a thought from the Lord. A thought came into my mind; now that you are ready, Kristen, let me show you my vision for you. Oh no, Lord. I didn’t want to come teach ONE class, but now you want me to lead 3? Yet, because I had started becoming thankful for the situation, He calmed my heart and gave me peace.  He wanted me to get past my own hesitation, to enter into His trust, and see His vision.  Since that day in August, I have been working towards this goal. I have set my mind and heart to training up the youth under me to one day lead these classes (5-12, 2-4, 1 and under). I don’t know what God has in store, but I am thankful for this opportunity to continue to fill the need. To live out the vision. And this may be the very first time I am seeing the fruit of the church children’s ministry. I just had to get past my own selfishness. Who knew?

Because of God's grace, I have received 4 new "helpers" who have been there pretty consistently every Sunday since August. We have shared the vision among all of us, and everyone seems to be on board. In the meantime, I continue to prepare, pray and plan for the future. But in the present, I know there IS a purpose for me being a part of this. God doesn't need me, but He has chosen me to be a worker for His Church (literally). And with it, I praise Him.