Remembering Why We Are Here

            Wow, what a month of change! Well, some things are very much the same…I’m still a momma, but now there are almost 3 little ones! I’m still volunteering at the school, but my time commitment is shortened by whenever I can actually get out of the house. And our desire to enter into the community has grown tremendously since we returned from a short visit to the states (for those of you we didn’t get to see around Christmas time, I hope you understand. It was just BUSY).

            Coming back this time was difficult for me especially. I would like to blame the negative feelings I had on being pregnant, but I don’t know for sure if that was it. Basically, I had my first breakdown, ever. Leaving the warmness of California, the beauty of the landscape, the opportunities in our city, and most of all, the wonderful families behind was extremely difficult for me this time. Then coming to a cold, empty home, with no one to hug and greet our two little babies, no heaters to warm their little hands, and a forgotten “purpose” of our life out here made it almost impossible to remember the reasons we were here in the first place. I cried, a lot, those first two weeks. I wanted rejuvenation from the Lord. I asked Him to show me why we were here. Selfishly, I didn’t stop to think about the dozens of people who had been waiting the whole time we were away for us to come home. I didn’t think about the impact that the Lord has made through us being here in the lives of the community. I didn’t even think of the friends we have made out here who treat our kids as if they were members of their own family. I just thought about warmth, and sun, and California, and my family. I guess it was not a good combination of events.

       Nevertheless, the Lord is faithful today, tomorrow, and He was during that time for me. Through talking with multiple people, He showed me that just our presence here has made an impact on the people of this region. So much so that if we were to never come back, we would be breaking a lot of hearts. Friendships out here are so very important because relationships are all these people really have. Not warmth, not opportunity to travel, not a lot of money, not lakes and beaches. So if we are here building relationships through love, support, and just sharing our families, that seems to be enough. The Lord reminded me of that. And slowly, the cloud of depression lifted and the sun begun to shine again. Now He is changing our hearts towards a new ministry opportunity that will most definitely change our lives, as we know them. As this little one grows inside of me, I can again be confident that Jesus is here with us, and He knows what we need to keep us not just surviving out here, but thriving. Even if at times, that may just look like a beautiful, sunny day.

Invest In Relationships

            If you have lost someone close to you, I feel like one of the first thoughts that may have gone through your head was, “I wish I had just one more chance…” or “I wish I had just a little more time.” Watching my kids sleep every night reminds me of one of the greatest lessons I have ever learned.  We don’t have more time. And we don’t get any more chances. It’s time to start investing in relationships NOW.

            Ezra is a year and a half. This is a great age. Of course, all stages of his little life have been exciting and new and wonderful. But this one is amazing.  It is the first time in his life that he is choosing to follow or to disobey. It’s the first time we as parents have to start using punishments for his actions. And it’s probably the first time I have lost my patience with him on more than one occasion (within an hour or so). Yet it seems every night, when he is about to get ready for bed, whatever happened that day, whatever rules and boundary lines he crossed, he still gives me that sweet smile and wraps those sweet little arms around my neck, and kisses my cheek. Everything else fades away and I remember that I only get to hold him for one day, one moment at a time. Do I just invest in relationships that I feel are worthwhile to me?

            We’ve been living here for three years now.  Lately I’ve been asking myself, am I investing in relationships? Am I really taking time to get to know people? Is language really THAT big of a barrier, which limits my ability to love? I say to myself “all I have is now.” Am I really, really living that? If we were to get denied entry back into this country, I would have to say goodbye to all my friends and loved ones here. What would I have left behind? What would I be taking with me? How did I allow the Lord to speak, work, touch, hug, pray, love through me? This past month, we were visited by two nuns who were walking in our area and knocked on our door, asking us if we would let them in to pray with us. It was a truly wonderful experience getting to know these two women (Sister Rebekah and Sister Patrick). Though it was a swift, short meeting, I feel as though they had a calling; a mission. They went around every day, all day meeting people in their homes and praying with married couples about their relationships. These women truly invested in people. I want to live like that.

            All I get is today. All I get is right now. Why am I wasting so much time being frustrated, impatient, bitter, and unforgiving? When I sit down, really sit down and think, I ask myself today, “Who am I investing in? Who should I be investing in? Who needs the hands and feet of the body of Christ?” Then, I get up and begin the day.