Like Father, Like Son

If you have ever been away from everything familiar, you must know how shockingly lonely it can be. Without family, mom, sister, brother, niece, nephews; you begin to wonder if your children will ever know what it is like to have a relationship with the people you love the most. Of course you have friends and family where you may be, but it isn’t the same. The Lord has blessed us with the opportunity to minister out here, build relationships with people, educate their children, listen to their stories, hear their struggle, bond with a culture, learn a language, live in the Holy of holiest lands, and grow in knowledge and love for His glory and for His kingdom. He is the sustainer wherever we are. At the same time, it’s easy to think you need more. “God, thank you for giving me this opportunity….but could you also bring us home once a year to visit family? Can you also help my children to know their grandmothers? Can you also continue to show yourself in each of their lives as they grow to learn about you? Thank you.” More, more, more.

                Recently, I have encountered a book (provided by my lovely sister, Adia), called “One Thousand Gifts,” by Ann Voskamp. It is a magnificent challenge to live fully right where you are, with exactly what you have, in all situations. It has really changed my life in many ways. More specifically, it has challenged me to be grateful in ALL of life, and to WRITE DOWN all the little things I am grateful for (i.e. the feeling of Ezra’s hand on my neck when I hold him, the smell of fresh laundry, my husband smiling at dinnertime). As I continued reading this book, my mind began searching for things to be thankful for. What I found was awe-inspiring.

                I began to notice my husband. I started to notice how with every new morning, my husband wakes up laughing with Ezra in the living room. I noticed how he cleans the house with me every Friday. I noticed how every nap he puts the baby down to, he prays with him. Then he leaves Ezra’s door stating, “Okay baby, get at least 2 hours of sleep now, and we’ll keep playing when you wake up.” I noticed how he now washes each dish he uses and faithfully places it in the dish rack. How he is so quick to laugh at Disney movies with Ezra, and quick to cry while watching movies with me. How every moment of the day, he is aware of how he is bringing the Kingdom to these people.  How he always makes time for me to take a nap during the day if I need some extra sleep. How everything he does is for his family.  How everything he does, he does it for the Lord. As the Lord continued to open my eyes, I continued to notice these small wonders, these small gifts that occur every day which I would normally ignore. I began to love my life right where I was. What’s more, I began to see how the Lord gives me all that I need.  Though I don’t have my relatives here, though life can get lonely, though I am new to this culture, the Lord gives me all I desire. He showed me that through my husband. It was as if I was watching God at work in my household. It WAS watching God in my household. The Father was showing me His work through his son (Paul). Now, when I look at my husband, I remember to live fully, in gratitude, right here where I am, for however long I am here.

Rejoice in the Lord…. Always

And again I say, rejoice. What a powerful month this has been. What an emotional month this has been. Being my 9^th month of pregnancy, the feelings and anxieties of preparing for a next baby was more than I could handle this time around. Perhaps it was because my beloved doctor, Nadim, told us he would be on vacation for the delivery of the baby. Perhaps it was because Ezra had developed a new “clingy-ness” to me where I couldn’t even walk without him crying to be picked up. Perhaps it was the heat, the swollen feet, regrets, pressures to have a totally natural birth, fear of unknown circumstances, whatever the reason, I found it more difficult to have true joy this month.
My true colors shone through this month and I remembered the nasty truth about Christians…we are all sinners. But yet, it is a beautiful truth because I know Christ always finds me in the darkness. If there was no darkness, how could He find me? If I didn’t have fear, how could He surround me? If I didn’t have unknown circumstances, how could I learn to trust Him? Then I began to see how this cycle of mistrust, emotion, and trust again continues through many situations in my life. When am I going to learn? When are we going to learn?
JOY is no joke. I have searched and searched and searched and found that joy is not hiding under some rock or cave, waiting for me to finally find it. Jesus is not holding it in His pocket, waiting for me to find it. He is holding it out in His hand waiting for me to finally grasp it for myself. It’s been here all along. Joy doesn’t COME in the morning, it’s HERE in the morning. Jesus is the source, and it is everlasting. How come I miss it? I have found that I miss it when I choose to miss it. When I close my eyes, I will miss the light of the morning. But when I open my eyes, I know it’s been there all along.

The birth of our daughter was…difficult. A painful and beautiful reminder of how precious a life is. Having my mom on my right side, and my wonderfully supportive husband on my left side was joy. Holding my baby in my arms for the first time was joy. Seeing Ezra’s face when he saw her was joy. Watching my beautiful husband weep in the hospital room after she was born was joy. Hearing my mom repeat the word “rest” as I contracted in pain was joy. Happiness is watching a funny movie with my family, or going to the beach in California. Happiness comes and goes with circumstances. Joy is embedded in gratitude, embedded in the Lord. What better a name for my beautiful daughter than Evelyn Joy, which translates exactly to: Birth of Joy.